It feels like it has literally been an eternity since I was last able to sit down at my sewing machine and complete any kind of project. In actuality it has only been about 3 weeks, but for someone who is used to sewing 8+ hours a day 5-6 days a week, three weeks is an eternity.
After officially closing the doors to my shop on November 1st I actually still had two wedding gowns to complete for the end of December which was ridiculously hard to do while at the same time moving and emptying out the shop. And of course, throw in the holidays, sickness, and bad weather and it is a down right miracle that those dresses got finished.
Of course I had all kinds of grand visions for all of the long put off “me” projects I was going to get done the minute I finished those dresses. But alas, it was not be. My sewing shop is gone along with my coveted, giant cutting table and instead I have a sitting room stacked with moving boxes. Moving boxes filled with all the bits and parts that get collected in 11 years of serious sewing. A spare bedroom stuffed with random garments left behind and unpaid for by customers, yards of fabric, and various dress forms. And storage space in my husband’s office stacked full of my massive pattern collection, extra machines, and the substantial remainder of my fabric stash.
I have no idea where anything is.
I mean, I know what I put where and what is in which boxes but none of it is where it used to be. Right at my fingertips.
So for these three weeks I have been paralyzed. Unable to sort, unpack, clean, and certainly unable to focus on any kind of sewing projects. All of the ideas I was so excited to tackle? They all escaped my mind any way. I think I was about one empty egg carton away from committing to life as a hoarder.
But today the fog finally lifted. Yesterday I was actually able to tackle some preliminary sorting and cleaning and that made a huge difference. So today, I sewed. Nothing fantastic or glamorous but I completed a project from start to finish in my new, smaller space. Flannel pajama pants that have been sitting on my to-do list for over a year. Just. For. Me.
My space is irritating and not set up just the way I want it yet, but I am o.k. with that now. I can still sew, I haven’t forgotten how and eventually the space will become exactly what I want it to be. I am practicing cutting myself some slack. I am still getting used to my only deadlines being self imposed.
But more important than all of my sewing desires, my daughter desperately needed my full attention and presence these past three weeks and I was able to give them to her with no hesitation and no worries about customers or their projects.
I have to be honest, though, and say that I’m not very good at this yet. I am terrible at just having to sit and do nothing but that is what my daughter needed. She was not very good at it either. Like mother, like daughter I guess 🙂 We are both VERY happy to be through this rough patch.
I don’t like my new self very much yet, but that’s o.k. and part of the process I guess. Or maybe I should say I don’t like changing myself. I am guessing the caterpillar doesn’t like the process of turning into a butterfly either, but I know how that turns out so I will hang in there.